The Importance of Being “Together in This” - Introducing Our New Seminar for Partners of Adoptees
Together in This is a three-part interactive seminar created specifically for partners of adoptees who want to better understand, support, and grow alongside the person they love. Facilitated by Ben Kaanta and Sarah Kurtzahn - both partners of adoptees - this live online series combines professional expertise with personal insight. It offers a supportive space for fellow spouses to find practical tools and engage in thoughtful discussion. We sat down with Ben and Sarah, co-creators of this important seminar, to gain insight into why they felt this course was needed and why they decided to navigate unchartered territory.
Q: What brought you to creating this type of seminar?
Sarah and her husband Matt, a Korean adoptee, at Namsan Tower in Seoul.
Sarah: I’ve been steeped in the Post-Adoption Support landscape for many years, and to my knowledge, I haven’t seen a seminar or longer form class like this for significant others before. There are so many parenting courses out there for adoptive parents and increasingly more spaces for adoptees to connect and share their experiences (like Adoption Mosaic’s great We The Experts series, among others). And many partners don’t fit into those spaces - I myself am not an adoptive parent, nor am I an adoptee. But I’ve always leaned into learning about the adoptee experience in the hopes to be a better partner to my adoptee spouse, and a better support system for all the adoptees that Ties serves.
Ben: I was leading one of our travel programs when I noticed we had a significant number of both adoptive parents and spouses traveling with us. It became immediately clear that these two groups were wrestling with very different topics, so I began working with them separately to address their specific concerns.
Ben and his wife, Tanya, a Korean adoptee, at Gyeongbokgung Palace in Seoul.
At the end of that trip, one of the partners asked where they could find more resources specifically focused on being in a relationship with an adoptee. I searched, consulted our team, and - just as Sarah described - I was surprised to learn that there really isn't much out there. Since then, every time I travel with a group, I’ve been tuning into the unique needs of partners and keeping notes on what would help them.
Sarah: So now with two spouses on Ties staff, and with our groups more and more often traveling with spouses, it feels like the right time to step into this space and create a seminar with our experiences both professional and personal, bringing our backgrounds in both therapy (me) and coaching (Ben).
What do you hope to accomplish?
Sarah & Ben: We hope to create a space rooted in curiosity, learning, and listening — a place where partners can deepen their understanding and feel more grounded in how they show up for the adoptees they love. Ultimately, the goal is greater empathy, flexibility, and connection - for our romantic partners and their journey as adoptees, but also for each other in this space. We hope to underline the importance of spaces like this for those who love adoptees in a variety of ways - from partners to siblings to friends. In our work at Ties, we’ve seen how important it is for an adoptee to have a variety of people witness their journey - and we’re excited to have a space that explicitly focuses on significant others.
Who is this course for?
Sarah & Ben: This course is for anyone currently in a romantic relationship with an adoptee - and that’s really the only pre-requisite. If you previously have traveled on a Ties journey with us - welcome! If you haven’t traveled or aren’t thinking about traveling in the future - welcome!
Sarah: Whether you’ve traveled with Ties before, are considering a heritage journey, or have no travel plans at all, you are welcome here. We also welcome couples across the full spectrum of experience, from those just beginning a relationship to those with decades together.
Ben: Our approach acknowledges that while Sarah and myself share the experience of being married to transracial Korean adoptees, every relationship is different. The course is designed to hold that diversity while offering tools and perspectives that can translate across many adoptee-partner experiences.
Topics we anticipate covering
Understanding the "Why": Moving past the frustration of "Why can’t they just get over this?" by exploring the biology of adoption trauma and how it shows up in a relationship.
The Art of Holding Space: Learning how to sit with your partner’s loss, pain, or grief without trying to "fix" it or center your own experience.
Navigating the "Where are you really from?" Moments: Practical ways to affirm and acknowledge your spouse’s unique identity in your hometown and daily life.
The Dynamics of Birth Country Travel: How to make a heritage journey meaningful for your spouse while managing the specific "identity fog" and emotional fatigue that can hit partners.
New Chapters: Discussing how adoption history impacts major life transitions, like introducing children into the family mix.
Adoption Literacy: Why learning the actual history of your partner’s birth country and adoption era is a game-changer for empathy.
Interested in joining us?
If you’re in a relationship with an adoptee and have ever wished for a space to ask questions, share honestly, or better understand the dynamics shaping your relationship, we invite you to join us. This seminar is designed to be thoughtful, practical, and grounded in real experiences — a place where you don’t have to already “get it” to belong. You can learn more about upcoming dates and registration here. We’d be honored to be in conversation with you as you continue finding your own way of walking alongside the adoptee in your life.