Today we welcome Beth to the Ties blog. Beth is a Paraguayan adoptee and a participant in our 2024 Paraguayan Ties Next Gen tour. Now based in Philadelphia, Beth shares reflections on returning to their birth country and traveling alongside fellow adult adoptees.

*Me in Pirayú where a market of Ñanduti makers sold their goods to us.*

What are a few things that make you you? This could include your interests, passions, personality, or anything you’d like to share.

I work as a collegiate strength and conditioning coach. In my free time my wife and I like to cook and bake. Our kitchen is always busy with the new recipes, but when we don’t cook we are seeking out new dining spots in Philly. I am on a mission to become a more proficient Spanish speaker. I do this through taking lessons, reading books, listening to music and watching TV/Movies in Spanish. I’m always down for a fun game! Whether it’s sports, video games, board games, or weekly Trivia. My wife and I are the parents for 3 lovely cats, who we treasure! <3

How do you usually describe your adoption story, if at all?

My mom has always been open and transparent about my adoption story. My best understanding of my adoption story was that my birth mother had me at a young age and chose to put me up for adoption. My mom always wanted to be a parent and adopted me when I was <1 year old. She made 2 visits to Paraguay. The first trip she traveled alone and met me for the first time. The second trip she traveled with my grandma and the two of them brought me back to the US.

Before traveling with Ties, how would you describe your relationship to your birth country?

Before traveling with Ties I was fairly uninformed about Paraguay. My understanding of the country was either through my Mom’s accounts during her trips, or from the Paraguayan picnics, which were largely centered around various arts and dances. I knew of the Guarani people, I knew of bottle dancing, and I knew that the majority of the country's population lived in Asuncion. It’s unclear to me why I never investigated more about my birth country, because being Paraguayan was always something that was important to me. I knew of other Paraguayan adoptees and though we grew up together, we rarely talked about being Paraguayan.

What inspired you to join the Ties Program to return to your country of birth? What made you decide this was the right time to travel?

My inspiration to travel with Ties and return to my birthcountry was all due to my Mom. Her and I have always said we would travel back to Paraguay together. For us, it was never a matter of “if” but rather “when”. My mom has always stayed in the loop with traveling opportunities to Paraguay, so when Ties offered this trip, she and I knew immediately we would go. Due to her generosity and planning, my mom, my wife (Emily), and I were all able to make the trip together.

I’ll be honest, I don’t know if there was any specific thing that made me feel “ready”. I guess, it was more the absence of fear or hesitation. This amazing opportunity was presented to me and Gift of Identity provided a way for me to make it possible. I knew I had the support of my mom and Em. I knew some other people who were gonna be on the trip, and the Ties staff seemed fabulous! Of course I had nerves of traveling but I think it was nerves rooted in anticipation. This thing that was talked about and dreamed about for so long was finally happening!

Was there a moment during the trip that stands out to you most? Please explain.

A moment during the trip that stands out in my mind was an evening my mom, Em, and I went to dinner in La Cuadrita. We stopped at a restaurant called Patria and had a meal. It was nice to be just the 3 of us and check in, catch up, and talk about our experience up until that point with each other. I got to practice my Spanish with the server and have Paraguayan style pizza! Afterwards, we walked up and down the street taking in the rest of the surroundings and walked back to the hotel.

Another moment that I will always remember was the final night in Paraguay Em and I went to visit some local friends at La Serafina, Espacio Cultural Feminista. They invited us into their space and we sat and talked for hours. We got to know each other, we exchanged stories of Paraguay and the US, and we talked about our queer experiences in each country. This moment was so striking because I was immensely touched by the openness of their hospitality and willingness to chat about anything and everything. It brings me joy knowing more details of the queer experience in Paraguay.

*CONMEBOL museum with Messi and Pelé. I thought it was cool! Learned a lot about the culture of soccer in South America.*

Beginning – I remember first getting off the plane and being awe struck by my circumstances. This long anticipated trip was finally a reality and between the dreariness of a long travel, and the wonder I had, I just sat in the van to the hotel looking out the window. When I met the other adoptees it felt immediately safe and accepted.

Middle – The phase “drinking from the fire hose” comes to mind when considering the emotions during the trip. I appreciate the Tie’s staff holding check-in meetings and giving us a chance to decompress together, but in hindsight, the mental capacity I had to keep up with my emotions was greatly outmatched by all that was present. That being said, I was having a blast and trying to just be as present as I could. How does one ground themselves in a dream? It was an awesome experience.

End – It was sad to leave Paraguay but I knew this was the first of many trips. By the end of the trip I was feeling more confident in myself and knew I was going to continue to foster this part of my identity.

How did being in community with other adoptees shape the journey for you?

I loved that I got to travel with other adoptees! Everyone was so nice and welcoming. As people started to share and open up more, I remember thinking, “these people actually get it”. It felt like everyone genuinely cared about one another. For those of us who came with family or partners it was also really nice to have them on the trip too. Witnessing support and love between families was really sweet too.

Being a part of this larger Ties community during the trip was great and it continues to be a very supportive group to be a part of.

Beth, my mom and Em (my wife) in Asunción.

How has traveling with the Ties Program changed the way you think about identity, culture, or connection?

After traveling with Ties, I feel much closer to my Paraguayan identity. This trip provided me with my own experience in the country where I could connect with the people, the language, the food, and the land. If I am lucky enough to have my own children, I know I want to foster this part of my child’s identity as well, and provide them with their own experiences in Paraguay.

What is one tip you would share with other adoptees from your birth country on how to have an amazing time in your birth country?

A tip I would share with a fellow Paraguayan adoptee is, while traveling try to talk to as many Paraguayan people as you can. You will come to find they’re so kind and can offer great insights that can enhance your travel experience. If you know Spanish, use it! Whether you’re proficient or just starting out, people will be patient with you and people want to talk and share stories. For me, it was very comforting to speak to other Paraguayans. It felt like, even as strangers, we already shared a connection.

What would you say to another adoptee or family considering a heritage journey like this?

If you’re someone who is considering a Heritage Journey for the first time AND you have a persistent interest in traveling to your birth country, I suggest leaning into that feeling all the way. It’s hard to know if you’ll ever be 100% ready (I’m sure some people are), but nerves are normal and you can’t let that stop you from seizing a great opportunity. As someone who, for so long, painted a picture of my birth country through the eyes of other people, it wasn’t until I went to Paraguay myself did I finally get to see the picture for what it really is. I recommend trusting your instincts and giving yourself grace through the whole process. <3

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