What We Learned From Our First "Together in This" Cohort
A reflection from seminar facilitators Ben Kaanta and Sarah Kurtzahn
Sarah Kurtzahn and Ben Kaanta, Together in This facilitators and partners of adoptees.
When we launched Together in This - our first seminar for partners/spouses of adoptees - earlier this year, we had a lot of hopes and a handful of unknowns. We hoped people would show up. We hoped conversations would feel real and not scripted. We hoped the content we had so carefully built would land with people who hold a similar position in the adoption mosaic as ourselves.
What we found was that this room had a lot to say - and we were glad to be in it.
What we learned: partners showed up ready.
We'll be honest: we weren't sure what to expect in terms of how willing people would be to engage. Would it be quiet? Would we be dragging things out of people? Not even close.
From the first session, the partners in the room jumped in. They asked real questions, they reflected out loud and they sat with discomfort instead of deflecting it. During content-heavy stretches, side conversations lit up - partners connecting in real time with what was being shared, turning it over with each other before we'd even opened it up to the group.
People came in at all different starting points - some had been thinking about adoption dynamics for years, others were just beginning to find language for experiences they'd been carrying for a long time. That range was one of the best things about the room. What united them wasn't a shared vocabulary: it was a shared commitment to showing up better for the adoptee they love.
What we learned: there is so much to talk about.
We spent months building the curriculum for this series - reading, refining, debating what made the cut and what didn't, making sure every session had both grounding content and practical takeaways. We weren't trying to create an academic lecture. We wanted people to walk away with tools, not just terminology.
What we can say is that sessions we'd planned for up to 90 minutes stretched toward two hours, and partners stayed every time. That told us something: there is more to explore here than any single session can hold. Going forward, we're sharpening the balance between grounding content and guided discussion - because that back-and-forth is where the real work happens, and we want to give it the room it deserves.
What we learned: Community turned out to be the thing.
We designed Together in This as a learning experience. While in the midst of the class, we realized that beyond learning, one of the most powerful aspects of this experience was the ability to connect. Partners of adoptees are often navigating something that's genuinely hard to describe to anyone outside the relationship. There's an isolation in that. And something shifted when the partners in the room realized the others in the room knew exactly what they were talking about.
We hadn't built the seminar primarily around community, but the group built it anyway. That told us something important about what this space needs to hold.
This experience slots into what we know of heritage travel as well, and why Ties has always and will always advocate for adoptee-centered group travel: the community aspect is so supportive in the journey. It encourages growth while also building a safety net for when things are hard. It shows you who is already walking alongside you - maybe their path looks different, but knowing you aren’t alone has always been a key takeaway from Ties journeys.
“Partners of adoptees are often navigating something that’s genuinely hard to describe to anyone outside the relationship.”
What we're taking forward.
We're launching our next cohort this fall, and we're going in with a few meaningful changes.
We're extending the series to four sessions - not because we're padding content, but because the conversations deserve more room. And we want to slow down in the places that matter: build in more time for reflection and dialogue, and make sure partners have space to actually sit with and start practicing what we're exploring together.
We're also continuing to ask ourselves what the next level of this work looks like. This first cohort gave us a glimpse of how much is still left to explore. Some topics could deserve their own full treatment and potentially programming for partners who are further along in their journey and ready to go deeper. We're still shaping what that looks like, but the direction feels clear.
An invitation to join this space.
We came into this knowing there was a gap in the support landscape for partners of adoptees. We knew it from our own experiences, from conversations on heritage trips, from the quiet questions that didn't quite have a place to go. But there's a difference between knowing something intellectually and watching it come to life in a room full of people who needed it.
That's what this first cohort gave us. Confirmation. Momentum. And a whole lot to build on.
If you're in a relationship with an adoptee and have wondered whether a space like this exists for you - it does, regardless of where you're starting from. And we'd love to have you in it.
Who Together in This is for:
Partners and spouses of adoptees - at any stage, and with any level of prior exposure to adoption dynamics. If you love an adoptee and have ever felt like you were navigating something you didn’t quite have language for, this space was built for you.
Registration for our fall cohort opens now. The 4-session series will run every Thursday night from September 3-24, from 8:00 PM - 10:00 PM Eastern (5:00 PM - 7:00 PM Pacific). You can learn more and sign up here. Learn more about how Together In This came together here.