Ties Traveler: Meet Emily
Today we welcome Emily Bonnett to the Ties blog. Emily is a Korean adoptee and a participant in our inaugural Korean Ties First Wave heritage journey. Now based in Los Angeles, Emily shares reflections on returning to their birth country and traveling alongside fellow adult adoptees.
Emily showing off her lock at Namsan Tower.
What are a few things that make you you? This could include your interests, passions, personality, or anything you’d like to share.
I am a foodie and love to try most dishes, although I am not a fan of curry flavor or brussel sprouts. I like to be out and experience life; I constantly look at my schedule to try to fit in meeting up friends or going out wherever there are open slots. I love flying out of town somewhere close but also periodically internationally.
How do you usually describe your adoption story, if at all?
KAD (Korean Adoptee) adopted around 2 years old to a Caucasian couple when they were 21; they were told they could not have children. A-parents were very physically and mentally abusive to myself and the other KAD adopted with me. The state of Texas took co-KAD when we were 11 years old and I was sent to a Children’s Home when I was 15. In a nutshell, my adoption story was a nightmare.
Before traveling with Ties, how would you describe your relationship to your birth country?
I only very recently started acknowledging South Korea. Before that, I stayed in a state of denial and told everyone I had zero interest. Almost two years before the trip, I started extreme binge-watching K-shows and went down the rabbit hole of everything BTS.
Emily at a drumming class held for the First Wave tour.
What inspired you to join the Ties Program to return to your country of birth? What made you decide this was the right time to travel?
When I saw TIES was going to organize a group of 50+ aged KADs (First Wave), I was hooked. As it started getting scheduled, I really liked the idea and the mid-October season was so ideal. Plus, as I mentioned, my binging of K-shows and BTS really gave me a better sense of the country and people instead of just the ‘wild unknown’.
Was there a moment during the trip that stands out to you most? Please explain.
I thought the organizers, Tanya and Ben Kaanta, meeting me at 5:30am at the hotel entrance when I arrived was such a poignant moment for me. At that moment, even though I was tired from barely any sleep, I really felt like, ‘wow. This is going to run way more smoothly than I could have imagined’.
Emily and other Korean Ties First Wave participants laugh while trying on hanbok - likely laughing at a joke Mr. Kim made.
How did it feel returning to your birth country?
At the beginning, I felt strange, awkward, wide-awake, hyper-curious. It was so hard to soak it all in. As the tour went on, I was trying hard to remember the rest of the KAD’s names and listening to stories; I was feeling overwhelmed. I think the travel days by trains and vehicles were amazing because it allowed for us to feel comfortable with each other in ways that were different than in our Meet-Ups and spectating at the different experiences we toured. At the end of the trip, I was starting to pull back on my level of comfort within the group, as I was mentally preparing to no longer see the rest of the group daily. I think our pasts growing up KADs likely made this transition almost automatic.
How did being in community with other adoptees shape the journey for you?
This was the only way I wanted to go visit South Korea for the first time. It was draining mentally with constant thought: where would I have lived growing up here? Where would I have gone to school? What would I have done for a job? Would I have been able to pass the tests/interviews to get a job at a company? Would have had to travel hours from small farm towns to work? Would I have wanted to get married, had children? I know KADs understand these thoughts.
How has traveling with the Ties Program changed the way you think about identity, culture, or connection?
I did not care about these things before going to South Korea. Going back to where my lineage is from, I finally understand why others feel such connections from countries where they are from. Especially the specific tours - before I never really had an interest going to places like the folk village, or having a traditional instrument lesson, Hanok village, palace grounds, watching comedy performances and listening to the language live.
Sharing a meal with fellow Ties participants in Busan.
What is one tip you would share with other adoptees from your birth country on how to have an amazing time in your birth country?
Pick the right group to go with for YOU (whether it be with families or with solo travelers or by age-range) and just go. Do your research online if you need financial assistance to make this happen.
What would you say to another adoptee or family considering a heritage journey like this?
Speaking just to other adoptees - do it. Nothing you read online or hear from another will be able to explain how it will feed your soul.